Nihilism

Eric Hutchinson – Food Chain - Live
Boy & Bear – Milk & Sticks
Eric Hutchinson – Oh!

Well, I'm almost done my first week of my new job doing compaction grouting. I took the job because I need more financial stability than the day to day flow that remodeling afforded me. And the promise of $60/hr prevailing wage jobs put stars in my eyes.
The first day was a harsh call to reality. 45 degrees and raining. I was warned beforehand that the work is extremely grueling- and it proved to be. The work isn't so much what bothers me though. Rarely if ever had I found myself saying, "I deserve to be getting paid more." But $12/hr just isn't enough.  I know that if I stick it out I'll pick up jobs where I'll be making 30-70/hr. But I just think the time in between is too great.
They told me during my interview that this work isn't for everyone. That not everyone can do it. I know I can do it, but I also know that it's not the smartest way to make 700/wk. The guys I work with talk about the overtime and the 30/day per diem. The per diem covers your food for the day, so these guys are kidding themselves when they talk about how great it is to get this tax free. The overtime is nice, but it should really be base pay. At least. When you hit 18/hr. It's almost like a slap in the face for the last 40 hours you worked for 12.
I've never minded hard work, but I think the most glaring realization that they're not paying us enough is the company I'm keeping in my coworkers- men driven largely by their id. Men, nihilists to the core. Not because they subscribe to nihilism, or even grasp the concept, but because they've long since written off their bodies in sacrifice to the day's work. The type of guys that rack up debt over cellphone ringtones and survive largely on chicken wings and dunkin donuts. While I try to maintain the belief that I'm not above any man, I have trouble relating to many of the guys I work with. And when you're spending a week away from home in a hotel with the guys you work with, these interactions matter. I'm fortunate that I have my laptop and internet to escape to, but smiling and nodding only lasts so long.
I find myself starting each work day borderline defeated at the prospect of another 10 hour day shoveling sand, moving 100 lb bags of cement, carrying 40 lb pipes 100 yds across a muddy path- all with wet feet and hands. In truth, the work isn't even the hardest part. It's the cold, and the wet, and the never ending finish line. Think deadliest catch without the payday. Think oil drillers, but we're pumping cement into the ground instead of pumping oil out.
It's the kind of work that forces you to find solace in the smallest reprieves. We can't take time for lunch- so a sip of coffee, a bite of a sandwich, a cigarette- are about all you have to look forward to. It kind of helps me understand why the guys I work behave the way I do. When you condition yourself to seek comfort in the smallest of dopamine dumps, this becomes a driving factor of your life. Why pay your child support or save for a car when you can buy a leather jacket or knock up a stripper?
I've already started looking for other jobs, but I think this job will forever shape me for the better in the end. I'll have this from now on to measure other jobs against. I'll know what it's like to work your hands to the bone, to be cold and wet and dead tired, and still have 6 hours to go. I think this job will drive me to appreciate what comes next, and to not take for granted what I have now. I also know now what my body can do- what it's really like to work for a living.
Let's just hope I can stick it out until something better comes along. And let's hope it comes quickly.